Audiences Not Flocking to Hillary Clinton’s Feminist Broadway Musical for Some Reason

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One of the first things that Hillary Clinton did after her historic defeat by Donald Trump in 2016 was travel to Soho in New York, where she joined a coven of witches called “The Wing.” We’re not making that up. Go ahead and Google it. You’d think with a group of 400 witches casting spells on her behalf that “Crooked Hillary” could catch a break in life—but she can’t. She’s launched a new Broadway musical just a few blocks away from the coven’s lair, and the show is flopping badly.

Hillary’s musical is called Suffs, which is short for “suffragettes,” obviously. By golly, Hillary is an oppressed woman, and she wants everyone to know about it through this musical. If it weren’t for all those sexist voters and Vladimir Putin and 700 other excuses, she would have been president!

The musical is THREE FULL HOURS of singing about the suffragette movement that no living person remembers because it’s so irrelevant to modern life. It sounds like a hoot! The entire cast is made up of women and trannies. Take that, patriarchy!

As the producer of the show, Hillary says that she relates to all of the women and trannies in it because it’s “so hard to make change.”

“I think having a play about voting in an election year could not be better timed,” said Hillary.

Oddly, voters and people who enjoy Broadway musicals don’t seem to agree.

Hillary was nominated for several Tony awards because of this musical, and it has been showered with praise by mainstream media outlets. Despite all that “buzz,” the theater where Suffs is playing was only filled to 81% capacity last week. The week before that, it was at 78%.

Numbers like that are poison for a Broadway show. A new musical called Lempicka shut down last week after it filled a theater to 83% capacity.

Broadway statistics are notoriously hard to track because of dynamic ticket pricing. Shows that are struggling will often offer tickets at steeply discounted prices just to lure audiences in and fill extra seats. This is often done at a net loss to the producers, who in this case are Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris’s niece, Meena Harris.

New musicals also face a tough time if they don’t come with a celebrity cast or some sort of Disney tie-in. Most of the audiences that come to Broadway shows are made up of tourists. That’s a problem for Hillary. Many people from outside the very liberal New York City area would rather stab their own eyeballs out with a fork than put money in Hillary Clinton’s pocket.

Despite the tremendous publicity blitz that should be drawing crowds to Suffs, very few people seem to be interested. NBC’s The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, CBS Sunday Morning, and other shows had Hillary on to give her a tongue bath after she attended the show’s opening last month. Plus, she’s no doubt got all of her fellow witches casting spells on behalf of the show. Somehow, nothing is working!

The fact that Suffs appears to be terrible probably isn’t helping it much, either. Here’s a sneak preview of the show. Just look at that bucket of fun! Can you imagine paying to sit for three hours of this?