A Unitarian church on Nantucket — Joe Biden's favorite vacation island — just axed its 25-year tradition of reading the Declaration of Independence on the Fourth of July because, and I'm quoting directly here, they need to "better understand our own whiteness." America turns 250 this year, and these people decided the best way to celebrate is to cancel the founding document.

You can't make this stuff up, folks. A bunch of rich white liberals on one of the most exclusive islands in America are so tormented by the color of their own skin that they can't bear to read a piece of parchment out loud. The self-flagellation Olympics have a new gold medalist.

Rev. Erin Splaine and the Second Congregational Meeting House Society — also known as the Nantucket Unitarian Universalists — dropped this gem in their announcement: "For those of us who are white the experience of the Rights and Privileges conferred by the Declaration of Independence, The Bill of Rights, and the Constitution of the United States have, for centuries, been tragically, often violently, and unequally applied to fellow citizens who are not white." So their solution to inequality is... not reading the document that promises equality. Galaxy brain stuff.

When critics took to social media to blast the decision, the church clutched its pearls and responded that "social media is not the place for important, tender conversations." Tender. They used the word tender. About canceling the Fourth of July.

But here's the good news. Rev. Max Wolf and St. Paul's Episcopal Church on the island immediately stepped up and announced they'd host the reading instead. Wolf said, "We may not be there yet but we felt it was important to gather together and try to live up to the promises our country has made. Those documents are aspirational." Imagine that — a church that actually understands what aspiration means.

As Fox News first reported, one social media critic nailed it perfectly: "Nothing says 'inclusive' like canceling a national holiday." Another fired back, "I'm so tired of these people spewing lies because they refused to learn the truth." Amen to both.

Let's be clear about what Nantucket is. This isn't some struggling community wrestling with systemic anything. This is an island where the median home price makes your mortgage look like a rounding error. These are the wealthiest, most privileged white people in America telling the rest of us that the Declaration of Independence is problematic. The document that literally launched the most free, most diverse, most opportunity-rich nation in human history — too white for Nantucket.

And the timing. We're celebrating America's 250th birthday — the semiquincentennial, for those of you who went to public school before they stopped teaching vocabulary. Two hundred and fifty years since a group of men risked everything to declare that all men are created equal. And a church that's read those words for a quarter century suddenly decided this is the year to sit it out.

Thank God for St. Paul's Episcopal. The Declaration of Independence will be read on Nantucket this Fourth of July after all. Just not by the people who spent 25 years pretending they believed in it.